Small mental note to self

It had been so long that I have not update my blog...

I still have my Jogjakarta trip with my mom and another trip to Cameron Highland with bro and sis-in-law's family. 

Life been lazy, busy, hectic and procrastinating.

Lazy because too much distractions until did not get things done.

Busy and hectic because life kinda turn south

Procrastinate because having exams in the coming March...

I will try to post the photos of me during the trip from Jokja and Cameron here if I can compile all the photos of me and find time for it.

So... my friends asked me how's life. I answer it sucks, or nah.

Peace out

Brighter side of my 20th birthday

Judging by yesterday's post, it's sound so sad. Maybe not so. Maybe. I got home, ignore my dad and mom, I went to my room and try to take a nap since I can't go out anyway. My bro came in and confirm that I was still going or not. At that moment, I had no mood to see anyone. Was already cover my face with blanket and told him I was not going anymore, since yesterday I actually as him to be my chaperon. Even, when my dad, I think, cause I haven't lift the blanket off at that time, went toilet. He didn't even bother asking anything or wish me anything. I thought I had finish crying in the car. Nope, I was wrong... After he left the room, I burst again... Man... Maybe I'm having PMS, my mood runs wild. 

Anyway, after awhile, mom came up and call us for dinner. Dinner was quiet... Then I look around while eating, I noticed there was an empty can of evaporated milk inside the small dustbin next to the sink.

After my father ate finish, he just left the kitchen. I actually no appetite to eat at that moment, so was eating super slow. Then I asked my mom, is she making cheesecake. And yes, she was. Then I was feeling bubbly inside and happy at the same time.

She asked last week that what would I like to eat for my birthday. I thought it was about where to eat out. But she corrected me by saying what I her to make me for my birthday. Last few years, I have been requesting 生日面 and fried chicken. So I thought I wanted something different. I remember a figment that when I was super young, I like the cake she made. All I remember was there was a biscuit base and jelly on top. I also hearing from my brother or mom before that it takes quite some effort. So I jokingly told her no need to make it, just stick with the noodles and fried chicken. I didn't expect that she went to Giant and bought the ingrents to make the cheesecake for me when I was at workshop yesterday. 

And also after I finally finish my dinner, I was about to see the last part making of the cake. 

I took most of the picture for snapchat. So there was more pictures and some videos. 

After placing the cake into the fridge, and quickly went back to my room and procrastinate bit before going to shower. Mom came in bit later, cause she wanted to rest a bit more in the kitchen (there's a ceiling fan, that's why)

When I was about middle of procrastinate, Stephanie called my mom. I was actually next to her. My mom asked me whether want me to pick up or not pick up. She knew that I was upset. So I told her to just pick up and told her beforehand that I was not available if she asked for me. I was glad that she didn't put it loudspeaker when she spoke. But I still could hear a bit and figure out a bit. I was surprised that they would come all the way from 1Utama to my part of PJ. Of cause at that time, she was hesitating since my dad was at home. And I don't want then to see him. So I suggested to go playground or something. After she ended the call, I quickly took a shower and my mom helped my a bit to clean last minutes part of kitchen in case they wants to drink some sugar cane drink they had boil during the afternoon or to eat the cheesecake that my mom made few moments ago. Later on, I felt like playground is not a good idea, cause they might bring cake and need plate and we stick to the kitchen if we have too. So she wash the guest cups and I wash small plates if they brought cake. 

So.... When everything settled already, I wait anxiously at my study table while my

father was at the living room scrolling through his iPad. I was already no mood to study to I just look through my phone too. I think my father sense that I'll be having guest later, so he also left the living room and didn't left the bedroom since. So I thought he was giving me some consideration. 

And they finally came!!! I'm happy for sure. Even brought a cake

Hey, the thoughts counts. We sang birthday song and all of us share this piece of cake. We chat bit more. They didn't stay long, but I really appreciate they came here to meet me. And tomorrow, which now is today, is PuiYan's birthday. 

I think friendship like that are hard to find. So we need to appreciate while we can and have it. 

Live the moment and you never know unknown event might made your day 

Peace out (Y)

Emotional birthday, I guess

Hello... Just need some place to vent.

Yeah, today's my birthday. And it the year that I entering the age of 20. I literally typing this post in a playground parking lot near my place. Cause I don't feel like going home at the moment. Can't believe that I feel like that and also fingers are shaking at typing because how emotionally sad. 

This morning, I'm actually quite excited a bit, cause might be celebrating my birthday with my secondary school friends. Yeah, you heard me, MIGHT.. Last night I got a call from Stephanie that TODAY night will be hanging out with their buddies. I was kinda felt happy cause whenever see their pictures when they hangout, tiny part of me is jealous. I can't help and see them from far.

So coincidently that my dad from outstation came back yesterday afternoon. When Stephanie called me, I agreed without hesitation knowing that my dad will get mad about it. 

My mom and brother kinda celebrate early, cause we know my dad don't really like these kind of stuff. For example, eating out, celebrate birthdays, I hanging out with friends cause he will think that I'll  spend money like nobody's business. Moreover, the economic now in Malaysia is super bad and I need to spend extra money for my own education since I fail more papers. He also hated that I waste time. 

Just now, I just finish my workshop for the coming finals I'm taking in September. During class, my mom suddenly Whatsapp me and said that my dad disagree me to go. After I saw the message, my mood was slightly better than normal days drop to deep sea of ocean. 

This brings me the memory of last year, Ruby's wedding after party. Pearl's friends try to convince my dad to let me go and he reluctantly say yes, then quietly say no after they were out of ear shot. 

When I almost few meters away from home, suddenly I got a feeling that I don't feel like going home just yet. Just not ready to see his face. 

So instead turning to the road that lead home, I turned to other junction and drive to the playground car park. 

Once reach the carpark, I turn off the engine and air cond, but leave the sound system playing songs from my pen drive. I also straight away adjust my sit to lying position. I didn't know I was so emo. 

Looking out the window, see the pink and white flowers on the trees and my father's last night words playing in my mind again. And thinking of my fail papers. Without realizing... I burst to tears.

After I settle a bit, then I know I need a place to vent these thoughts and feelings. Since I'm still kinda embarrassed to see my family at the moment.  

Haha, while typing this post, it starts to rain and it kind look pretty

Of cause after typing, thinking and listening to favourite songs playing in the stereo. It's a bit ridicules to cry and frustrated over that can't celebrate my birthday with friends. But of cause I would like to live the moments. I still have other years to live and celebrate with them. 

Okay... I think I'm kinda okay and feeling okay. Through out when I type this post, surprising that my radio played the songs that were emotional and currently is playing "Be Your Everything" by Boys like Girls. And yeah I'm ready to go home now, it's almost that I'm here almost an hour. Gonna drive back and face the day. Again. 

Peace out (Y) 

After my July 2015 ACCA results decision

Last term ACCA results out at 1st of August. The results was out early because there is new exam coming up on September.

I was already planned to take my F5 paper on the coming September. I don't know I mentioned on the last post. I might not. The last finals, I expect that I would pass my F7 and F4 papers, and might fail F7 because I didn't manage to finish my paper. When the results was out, I was bit shocked that the results show the opposite. F7 pass and fail F4 F5... hmph...

I was already attending P2 and F8 classes. So I need to figure out what to do. Since my F9 paper is 46, I going to take it on September with my F5. F4 and F8 gonna take it on December.

At first, I don't know whether that I should drop P2. When I seek for advise with the admin staff. Actually I wanted to discuss with them about my progress test, cause it clashes with my classes. End up discussing about my results. So that's why. Anyway, I didn't know that I need 4 F papers to pass in order to take P papers. That's what made me to make the decision to drop P2 class.

Actually I wanted to self study for F4 again, but again... admin advise me to take classes again... hmph... kinda no say about it... So I just sucked it up and I'm gonna attend the classes for F4. Which means this is gonna be my third time attending F4 classes. I'm pathetic =_=

Haiz... What life I have....

anyway. Peace Out (Y) and wish me luck

bad or unenthusiastic responses

Hello!! Another half year had pass. Lots of things had happen in these few months. Actually, I wanted to blog, but I couldn't find the right time and lots of distraction at the same time, since I love to watch drama and variety show. ah hem..... Running man and WGM...

Quick update on myself about what brief happen in these months before I share the topic that I'm gonna issue. Finish my finals just few week ago and start to catch most of my Running episodes and WGM. Of course, managed to watch finish some kdramas, eg, School 2015, Ex-girlfriend club and currently watch Orange Marmalade.

Results for my last December finals... I failed all... *sigh* 

So I resit for F4 and F9 and took new paper which was F7. Gonna take F5 resit paper on September that's coming soon. For this time finals, I don't know that I have the guarantee that I'll pass, but I'll pray hard and hope it will pass. I don't want to fail again :(

~~~~~~~~~~

I just came back from my Penang trip with my CAT gang. It was fun, it I have the time, I'll maybe will blog about it.

 

What I want to talk about here is RESPONSES.

This hits me because on the last day of my Penang trip when I was traveling back to KL for lunch in Ipoh. We were sitting near where the server/drinks maker and that kopitiam or hawker stall also known for the fruit ice blend. 

The ice blender sound was quite loud, and one of my friend told me,

Friend: "Hey MX, the sound sounds like Ferrari car"

Me: "What??"

Friend: "The ice blend"

Me: "Oh... okay" 

And then her expression wasn't good, like she didn't expect that kind of responses and feel disappointed My excuse of being like that was I half awake since I was snoozing in the car.

Me: "Then what you expect me to response??"

Another friend: "You should be more excited like, 'Woah!! I know right!! It does sound alike!!'

Then I felt guilty for responding like that because this wasn't the 1st time I'd responded like that. She mentioned before that it's like I pour cold water (in Chinese expression)

At that moment, it also remind me when I was young. I like to try to impress my mom on everything I do. For example, I would draw a pic almost everyday and wait for her until she comes back after work to give it to her. Her response was like "oh, okay. Thank you", that's it, if I remember correctly. I also remember that I tried to do something, I forgot what it was, and my brother was around. So I asked him whether that my mom would like it or not. He say, she won't bother much. It turn out, it's true. Her response was not what I hope for.

Until now, sometimes I would share my stories that I thought was excited or worth sharing. But I share almost everything to her. Most of her responses were short responses till now. When she gives short or unenthusiastic responses or even sometimes she will not have response, I would feel a tiny bit of disappointment, but it doesn't bother me much as when I was a little kid. I know it's her character and she actually listens. It's just that she also do not know also how to response.

I realised that my mom and me are not the expressive kind of people. 

So when my friend asked me like that and I responded like that, I know that feels cause it happen to me and, it might sounds like an excuse, my mom also rubbing on me until I also don't know how to be more enthusiast. I also trying to work on myself to be more enthusiast. Hwaiting!!!

Peace out (Y)

new glasses xD

It's time for me to get new glasses, cause my old ones, the side screw keep loosen and made the lens keep popping out

haha... excuse my messy hair xD

How do I look with them?? :)

I liked them very much and made me look bit smarter :P

Peace out (Y)

last paper!!!!

hahahahahahahahhahaa.....

lol... when I just finished my F4 paper, I was both happy and sad at the same time. This is because I actually been slacking in the last weekend..

Anyway, after the paper, I wait for mom and Teng gor at Pyramid for dinner in Tony Roma's.

Then went shopping for a bit and bought myself a new slippers.. but it's not what I wanted.. but at least it's comfortable..

Then we left Pyramid and drove to Paradigm Mall to watch Big Hero 6. SSSOOOO HAPPPYYY, cause finally that I could watch a movie in cinema.

Before watching, we actually went Focus Point to make me a new pair of glasses. I'm so pumped that I'm gonna get a new pair of glasses.

About the movie, its AWESOME!!!! I admit... I actually cried and a lot of parts..

haha.. anyway I'm excited my coming 2/3 weeks holiday. Peace out (Y)

Hell yeah!!! Maybe :/

Hell yeah!! Just finish my F9 paper today!! But I don't feel awesome and don't have a nice feelings then F5. Although it was like simpler then I expected, but of cause I have lots of questions I don't know how to do and stuff. 

Maybe I practise F5 more, that's why I have more confidence that I would pass F5. F9? I have less than 50% ofconfidence that would pass. 

Anyway.... There's always a sad stories whenever I write a post. Okay... Not sad.... Is just something I'm disappoint at myself. 

Last night, my coursemate had post in my group chat saying that want to have dinner at The Burger Lab. Not to mention, The Burger Lab just opened in Sunway this week and having offer for the 1st 100 people to have buy one free one burger. The shop is just next to Orange(a hawker stall)

When they mentioned... I was like to myself, I don't know... I already got a feeling of don't-want-to-go, cause everyone will be finishing their finals the next day and I still have Monday for F4 to go. So I kept quiet until the next day (which was today). Then say, "nah... I'm not joining you guys". 

I don't know why... I got a feeling that I might not enjoy the company, even eating an awesome burger, when knowing others had done their finals and listened to their plans after finals kinda made me hurt. Sometimes, it's better to not know, if it make me hurt, just a little bit. 

I know... I know sometimes I confusing. Sometimes I want to know what they're doing... Sometimes I don't want to know what they're... Maybe it depends on the time and situation. Like that situation I just mentioned (about I still have F4 paper to go) 

Haiz... Anyway... I'm hope and pray I'll pass my papers. And, peace out (Y)

In my own room xDD

Heehee... My mom been. Planning to come to Puchong to keep the house in shape. Since Tat gor and Pearl jie are now staying Beijing. So the house is vacate. 

Anyway, yesterday everyone or most of the students of Sunway Tes we're rushing to enroll for the classes for next sem. Dinner I had Sushi King, cause they having this offer of one plate RM 3. So yeah... I was so nervous too eat too much but I still eat😁😁 is just that not much

In the end, I managed to enroll for what I what. One thing for sure, the server was lag as hell. My friends all complain about the server in the whatsapp group chat. And someone said everyone refresh the page like flushing the toilet. Man.... That's funny 😂😂

Then after dinner, I packed and prepare to go Puchong. While transferring my things to the car. There was a cat just sitting outside or in the porch of my house. So cute!!!

Anyway... I wish I could play with the cat. But I got to do what. Normally, I notice this cat will sit where the place where the dustbin outside, like the tiny compartment, on normal days. The cat will run away whenever I go close. These few days it starting to come closer to me, but not too close. On raining days, it will hide where we keep our newspaper outside. I think there feels warm :/

One things I'm excited to go stay in Puchong is my room!!! I love my room!!! 

Wanted to take selfies, thought of posting in Instagram... But it didn't look good... So screw it and post it here xDD

Anyway, it feels nice to be in my own room. Can focus more properly to study I hope 

When I went for the run, this morning. Actually, while walking back, I happen to look up and saw this

Peace out (Y)

Just another day past

Few days ago, my father just scolded me for not focusing on studying, about me keep failing and compare me with his friends' children on how long they gonna finish this course (ACCA). About What ever I did, listening to music is a bad habit. And why not get a degree in listening music. About me keep following my bro and mom go out and no time taken to study. About me drinking carbonated drink. About me going out. About the table I study is messy. About the meditation course(man... He was totally wrong about this. It's not a meditation course!!! It's a development youth society!!) about me being stupid like my mom(I don't like he said that). A lots of about he mention, but I was mad at the same time... So didn't really pay attention some of it. 

When I tried to defend myself, my mom stops me. So when that time he scolded, I just keep quiet and let him talk and talk. This few days it's had been tough. I couldn't go out. I only could go when he is outstation. He also keep scolding my mom for keep going out and blame on the Sunday classes she went and say she didn't learn anything and says there's no love. 

WTH??? What you know about it??? If you want love, then you don't be so grumpy and always look all things negatively all the time and so my mom and me will approach you easily. Whenever you bad mood, there will be like a BIG HUGE angry wall around you. 

Last month I already think for myself, whether want to stay back at campus until the library close only come back home. But I end up throw that plan away cause, I want to have naps and exercise and I can. 

After he scolded me, I was like, "Fine!!! You want me to study?? I go campus everyday(try) and study, cause I couldn't face you to study case of your damn ugly aura". Of cause I didn't say that out loud... 

And I did today. Going campus, after lunch. 

I did study thou. Do pass year questions. F9. But very slow... Now I'm in a big trouble for finals... I stay from around 12pm to 5.45pm, I manage to do 2 questions, out of 5. This is bad news. The six hours plus all the dilly dally. But is at least something. At home, I couldn't do anything. More distraction and think. At campus wifi not that great... So I think that's good in a way and they also block some game server. Some of the main games I couldn't play. 

I are a early lunch today and it's only salad. So around 3-4pm, I was feeling hungry already. I did pack some tiger biscuits. I knew that's not enough. So I went to pyramid and try out the new Christmas Starbucks flavour. The Christmas Cookie Frap. When I got to pyramid, there was a big crowd and they were a huge fans of 5SOS. And there was a lot honking sound, so I was very distracted. When I ordered... I ordered wrongly. I went and ordered venti size instead of tall. Then I cause the barista that served me a problem. I felt bad....

When I got home today... His mood was still the same I guess. When I got back home, the kitchen was in chaos. He just simple THROW some oven utensils clothes all messy on the dining table. My mom even said, when he prepare pumpkin for dinner, he go throw here throw there, knock the chair here and there. The skins of the pumpkin also all over the sink and he didn't clean up. End up it's my mom and me have to clean up his mess. 

Haiz... I really don't know what his deals is...  Anyway I hope things are getting better and I could progress my revision faster and more effective. 

Peace out (Y)

Eye infection

Hmmm....

I have been having some eye infection. I only it today, after consult one of close friend of father, which is a doctor. 

All these while, I thought it was I rubbed I eye too hard until the inner corner of my eye crack?? I think that's the word. Cause the skin look cracked and if dry, like wound, I tend to peel it off and it bleed a bit. 

And also... I before it gotten serious... But having lots of 'eye poop', don't know the actual term.... As for today, not as much as last few weeks ago. 

When I got worried was when whenever I blink, the harden/dry part of the skin will cause some irritation. 

End of... After seeing the doctor, he said its infection from the contacts lens I'm using. Great.... T_T 

I admit, I think last month I forgot to change them XC

And now I need to eat some antibiotics and put some eye drop every 2 hours. Hmmm... And I couldn't wear them for 10 days. What!!

Lesson learn is must change contacts when it's time. Or at least take care properly!!!

Peace out (Y)