Am I that weird???

This semester I'm taking F8 and F4... No need to say. I'm going solo on F4. I kinda made a friend, a foreign student, in F8 cause coincidently that I was at the same class as her in P2. 

So I normally go early to class to book a sit for myself and her at the same time for F8. One day, I went to book, couldn't find a place that could sit 2 person. So went up sitting at the back. Later, I think she didn't see me at the back. End up I sitting alone. The next few classes, she didn't find me to sit with already. She find the other classmate that sit bit front. 

The next few classes, I tried to sit near them, hopefully she saw me or something. Those few classes, I sat around the same group of guys. My classroom is like auditorium like, benches sit. One day, I went and book a sit for myself. I already saw the guys bag at their sit and I saw that there was few available space. So I sat there and mind my own business. 

When the guys came back from lunch. The guy that was about to sit next to me was having big reaction. Like sending a message to his friends that he don't want to sit with me. And he thinks I didn't see his reaction or I don't get his reaction. 

Maybe I'm just being paranoid or something. He might not be talking about me. But the feeling isn't nice. It feel super awful. At that moment I keep convince myself that he isn't talking about me, even part of me might ask keep myself "Am I that bad??"

During our class, my lecturer wanted to the students to discuss in pairs about what she had just taught in class. In his gang, the guy next to him is the odd one out. I could see that his buddies was like, "dude... you gotta pair with her". By judging his face was like "Shit...". End up, he discussed with his friend that sat behind him. Then I tried to have some discussion with another pair of girls that sat in front of me.

I know it will happen to anyone. Like you think that 'this is my territory'. Of cause, when someone you don't know happen to be in the territory, you will be caution and think that the other party was like strange creature that you wanted to avoid and ignore them.

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Then during the break, I went to cafeteria. Don't want to be around that group of people at that moment. So after I bought my coffee and saw the foreign student that I was friend with eating some fried chicken with her other buddy. I thicken my skin (I'm a shy kid, okay) and just join them. I got introduce to the other buddy and ask whether that I could sit with them next class. Permission accepted. Yay!

The next class, I purposely don't want to go class early to book a sit for myself. When I reached the class bit later, I already saw the group of guys and my friend was already there. The guys sat bit more behind and my friend sat more to the front. So I show them the fine-I-could-sit-here-dont-need-to-sit-next-to-you look and sat with my friends. And of cause, I felt much better. 

Small moment of revenge for myself. During this break, I went and bought coffee at cafeteria and I bum to that guy, and I pretend I didn't see him. Back to class, I was sitting at the side, I need to let myself out the allow the students that sat in the middle of the bench out. So when I was out to let the students to sit back on their sit, the guy that sat with me at the last class was about to come. I allowed him to pass through before I sit back. I also show my behsong face to him, but he said 'thank you' and pass me. I thought I heard some guilt there, maybe not. lol... I'm evil at that moment... 

But this small moment just made my mood bit better. It's ridiculous, I know. Antisocial people have feelings too, okay. Just be careful and don't insult people so much. Or don't insult or offend people in general. Be bit open. and back to me too. Need to get out of my own shell.

Peace out (Y)