Brighter side of my 20th birthday

Judging by yesterday's post, it's sound so sad. Maybe not so. Maybe. I got home, ignore my dad and mom, I went to my room and try to take a nap since I can't go out anyway. My bro came in and confirm that I was still going or not. At that moment, I had no mood to see anyone. Was already cover my face with blanket and told him I was not going anymore, since yesterday I actually as him to be my chaperon. Even, when my dad, I think, cause I haven't lift the blanket off at that time, went toilet. He didn't even bother asking anything or wish me anything. I thought I had finish crying in the car. Nope, I was wrong... After he left the room, I burst again... Man... Maybe I'm having PMS, my mood runs wild. 

Anyway, after awhile, mom came up and call us for dinner. Dinner was quiet... Then I look around while eating, I noticed there was an empty can of evaporated milk inside the small dustbin next to the sink.

After my father ate finish, he just left the kitchen. I actually no appetite to eat at that moment, so was eating super slow. Then I asked my mom, is she making cheesecake. And yes, she was. Then I was feeling bubbly inside and happy at the same time.

She asked last week that what would I like to eat for my birthday. I thought it was about where to eat out. But she corrected me by saying what I her to make me for my birthday. Last few years, I have been requesting 生日面 and fried chicken. So I thought I wanted something different. I remember a figment that when I was super young, I like the cake she made. All I remember was there was a biscuit base and jelly on top. I also hearing from my brother or mom before that it takes quite some effort. So I jokingly told her no need to make it, just stick with the noodles and fried chicken. I didn't expect that she went to Giant and bought the ingrents to make the cheesecake for me when I was at workshop yesterday. 

And also after I finally finish my dinner, I was about to see the last part making of the cake. 

I took most of the picture for snapchat. So there was more pictures and some videos. 

After placing the cake into the fridge, and quickly went back to my room and procrastinate bit before going to shower. Mom came in bit later, cause she wanted to rest a bit more in the kitchen (there's a ceiling fan, that's why)

When I was about middle of procrastinate, Stephanie called my mom. I was actually next to her. My mom asked me whether want me to pick up or not pick up. She knew that I was upset. So I told her to just pick up and told her beforehand that I was not available if she asked for me. I was glad that she didn't put it loudspeaker when she spoke. But I still could hear a bit and figure out a bit. I was surprised that they would come all the way from 1Utama to my part of PJ. Of cause at that time, she was hesitating since my dad was at home. And I don't want then to see him. So I suggested to go playground or something. After she ended the call, I quickly took a shower and my mom helped my a bit to clean last minutes part of kitchen in case they wants to drink some sugar cane drink they had boil during the afternoon or to eat the cheesecake that my mom made few moments ago. Later on, I felt like playground is not a good idea, cause they might bring cake and need plate and we stick to the kitchen if we have too. So she wash the guest cups and I wash small plates if they brought cake. 

So.... When everything settled already, I wait anxiously at my study table while my

father was at the living room scrolling through his iPad. I was already no mood to study to I just look through my phone too. I think my father sense that I'll be having guest later, so he also left the living room and didn't left the bedroom since. So I thought he was giving me some consideration. 

And they finally came!!! I'm happy for sure. Even brought a cake

Hey, the thoughts counts. We sang birthday song and all of us share this piece of cake. We chat bit more. They didn't stay long, but I really appreciate they came here to meet me. And tomorrow, which now is today, is PuiYan's birthday. 

I think friendship like that are hard to find. So we need to appreciate while we can and have it. 

Live the moment and you never know unknown event might made your day 

Peace out (Y)

Emotional birthday, I guess

Hello... Just need some place to vent.

Yeah, today's my birthday. And it the year that I entering the age of 20. I literally typing this post in a playground parking lot near my place. Cause I don't feel like going home at the moment. Can't believe that I feel like that and also fingers are shaking at typing because how emotionally sad. 

This morning, I'm actually quite excited a bit, cause might be celebrating my birthday with my secondary school friends. Yeah, you heard me, MIGHT.. Last night I got a call from Stephanie that TODAY night will be hanging out with their buddies. I was kinda felt happy cause whenever see their pictures when they hangout, tiny part of me is jealous. I can't help and see them from far.

So coincidently that my dad from outstation came back yesterday afternoon. When Stephanie called me, I agreed without hesitation knowing that my dad will get mad about it. 

My mom and brother kinda celebrate early, cause we know my dad don't really like these kind of stuff. For example, eating out, celebrate birthdays, I hanging out with friends cause he will think that I'll  spend money like nobody's business. Moreover, the economic now in Malaysia is super bad and I need to spend extra money for my own education since I fail more papers. He also hated that I waste time. 

Just now, I just finish my workshop for the coming finals I'm taking in September. During class, my mom suddenly Whatsapp me and said that my dad disagree me to go. After I saw the message, my mood was slightly better than normal days drop to deep sea of ocean. 

This brings me the memory of last year, Ruby's wedding after party. Pearl's friends try to convince my dad to let me go and he reluctantly say yes, then quietly say no after they were out of ear shot. 

When I almost few meters away from home, suddenly I got a feeling that I don't feel like going home just yet. Just not ready to see his face. 

So instead turning to the road that lead home, I turned to other junction and drive to the playground car park. 

Once reach the carpark, I turn off the engine and air cond, but leave the sound system playing songs from my pen drive. I also straight away adjust my sit to lying position. I didn't know I was so emo. 

Looking out the window, see the pink and white flowers on the trees and my father's last night words playing in my mind again. And thinking of my fail papers. Without realizing... I burst to tears.

After I settle a bit, then I know I need a place to vent these thoughts and feelings. Since I'm still kinda embarrassed to see my family at the moment.  

Haha, while typing this post, it starts to rain and it kind look pretty

Of cause after typing, thinking and listening to favourite songs playing in the stereo. It's a bit ridicules to cry and frustrated over that can't celebrate my birthday with friends. But of cause I would like to live the moments. I still have other years to live and celebrate with them. 

Okay... I think I'm kinda okay and feeling okay. Through out when I type this post, surprising that my radio played the songs that were emotional and currently is playing "Be Your Everything" by Boys like Girls. And yeah I'm ready to go home now, it's almost that I'm here almost an hour. Gonna drive back and face the day. Again. 

Peace out (Y)